How to spend a leisure time?

Today, I woke up really early. Padahal last night gue tidur jam 1. And I wasn't expecting this.

And guess what I discovered, a new kind of spirit! <3

Well, to some people, waking up too early in a holiday like this is such a pain in the ass, especially when we stayed up late on the night before. But to me, I don't know how to say this, but this really makes me more spiritful to welcome a new day. For the past few days I always woke up late, usually at 9 A.M and I tended to be lazier to do anything for the rest of the day. I just lay on the bed, watched whatever-shows-that-is-on-tv, mostly E! News or V Channel, if there wasn't anything left to watch. Yeah, saking sampahnya acara TV.

Oh iya, I've been liking Nicholas Sparks' collection nih, teehee. I may haven't had all of his series, but so far I've read 2 books. These are Best of Me and Safe Haven. Best of Me is his latest novel, and I heard that he's working on a new book right now so... Can't wait? For most of you who already know who Mr. Sparks is, pasti nggak perlu gue jelasin udah tau sendiri lah ya. But for most who don't, well, he's a novelist. He writes books, a romance kind of book, yeah, that sort of thing. The Last Song, The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, The Lucky One, are the kind of "based-on-an-adaption-from-the-novel" movies, which is exactly my thing. I love reading.

 This is the cover, I'm sure it's an all night page-turner!

What made me buy Safe Haven? The answer is because they're going to make it into a movie on Feb 2013! And Josh Duhammel is going to be in there, you know, the one you saw on When In Rome? Exactly, I know, he's gorgeous and flawless. Bagus banget ceritanya! So suspenseful. Recommended.

Oh iya, I'm reading 50 Shades of Grey! Hmmm belum selesai semuanya banget sih, I have only reached page 100 because I get distracted easily by new movies and the unfinished assignments, jadi kepotong-potong dan moody-an aja bacanya. It says on the cover that it's a best-seller novel, but I haven't discovered what's best in there? Gatausih, maybe it's because I haven't yet finished reading so I don't exactly know what the story is about. Guess I'll read it later deh.

The day before, I watched The Bachelorette. Firstly, gue asal beli because there's Kirsten Dunst in it, I find that she's so inspiring ever since she was in Bring It On. Ok let's break it down, The Bachelorette is one hell of an entertaining movie, more likely to be a hilarious one, want to know enough? Nonton deh, it taught me how to be a loyal person in a different kind of way. Terus, nonton apalagi ya? LOL! Yeah, everybody knows it stands for Laughing Out Loud, but in the movie, lol is short for lola. I remember when Miley Cyrus said, "My name is Lola, but everyone calls me Lol." Lol. So that's what's it's all about, eh? Kyle nya eye-popping banget disitu, not to mention he's so charming it hurts. Recommended, I guarantee you're not going to regret watching it. Gue juga baru nonton The Woman In Black, biasa aja sih filmnya. Well, nggak biasa banget juga sih. It's rather frightening, but not more than Insidious. Gila, Insidious is way scarier than The Woman In Black... The sound and visual effect on Insidious is horrifying, I'm so not gonna watch it twice. Enough with the all-ghost-scenes thingy. The Woman In Black is more like... Ngagetin gitu kali ya? But seriously, it's nothing compared to Insidious. Although in general, filmnya very creepy sih.

Other than reading and watching, I just love spending my time reading Thought Catalog articles. Not only Thought Catalog sih, but the other articles that caught my eyes. @ThoughtCatalog twitternya. It's beneficial I think, besides expanding your vocab, you also absorb everything that's so thoughtful in there. @brainpicker, @TheSocialBrain, and more. Explore!

Hmmm...

I've been liking Usher's new album as well, Looking 4 Myself. Dari dulu, apasih yang nggak bagus dari lagu Usher? All of it are catchy, and easy listening. I've always loved every album of him. Generally. Somehow it just soaks up to the ear and it has always been such an eargasm.

Kadang emang basi ngupdate tentang lovey-dovey thing, that's why I've been avoiding myself from thinking the love-kinda-thing by doing so many things to keep me busy. It's okay to think of it sometimes, because love gives us strength. And strength is what makes us feel better in order to reach what satisfies us. Be good to everyone, because you don't know when you'll need a help from them.

Adios!

And the truth is?

Well, hello.

Minal aidzin walfaidzin, to all of you who had celebrated eid mubarak in a couple of days ago.

Every human in this world is bound to make mistakes, forgive me God for I have sinned, we may have a different religious views, but we are all actually entitled to one and we all know that this is undoubtedly the only way that leads to prosperous lives.

Hmmm, gimana ya. Gue bingung mau pour out all the spine-chilling stories ini kemana other than this blog, so... If by far you are okay with all the so-called cock and bull stories I have told, here we go.

Well, there's a saying that says "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I admit I was much of a presence-seeker creature that longs for a figure to lean on. And yes, this saying really does make quite a change for me. Have you ever waited for someone so long it hurts? Bet you had. If it turns out to be the way you expected it to, the feeling would be amazing. It's beautiful, it's peaceful, because it's like your dreams being captured to the reality. But if it turns out the other way around, it still feels wonderful... Yet it hurts. We'll feel wounded even.

It's quite magical I think, the second you think the person you've been hoping for pops out to greet you by a simple "hello", the second the word invigorates your mind (and soul, yeah?) it might just be a simple greeting, but you'll never know if it influences you greatly. Have you ever feel comforted by a person just by knowing that the person exists out there? Have you? Have you? It's cray the way your mind buzzes like, "like please, do not depend your state of moodiness on him, he's just dropping off because he's bored, nothing else." and your conscience is like, "he's the one, when nobody else is there, he's the person you've got yourself trapped, it's okay to keep him beside you." and suddenly you're in a complete strange of maze.

I don't know how to act anymore though. So many questions scattered, like, how would I cope up once he's gone? How would I manage to restrain myself away from the thought of not wanting to lose? About how would I be able to sleep tight at night without thinking what happened yesterday, what's happening today, and what'll happen tomorrow. How would I... Abandon the person I've got myself fall in love with? It's complicated isn't it. How they haven't even started saying they love you, but you already know because that's how they make you feel. They make you feel loved.

Gatausih ya. People have different perspectives, and I'm not gonna forbid them to judge what I've written. It may conduct cheesy, whatever-the-fuck-you-think lines, but that's what the truth says.

Where are you now, when I need you around.

Climax.

A snippet of usher's song lyric. Why? Because that line describes all the things I want to utter right now.

First thing first. Sekarang gue lagi mood-moodnya update blog, I have no idea why this desire came up by all of a sudden, all I can ever think of is, gue bosen. Rutinitas sekolah dibulan puasa emang nggak ada toleransi, at all. They don't have any idea how I could really use some ice tea any minute now to finally quench the thirst I have been fighting with. Seriously, nowadays, I hardly ever see the slightest bit of an overcast weather. It's like the weather has been playing out with the idea of me wanting to verbalise an outburst of indignation. Not that the devils inside me have got me trapped into juvie-type, but it's literally exhausting.

Recently, I think I've been having an insomnia case. My sleeping pattern isn't the same as it used to. I have always managed to go to sleep above 12 A.M, it's not good, they said. But what did I do wrong? I only took a nap for a couple of hours, but then it turned out nowhere near normal.

When did the insomnia begin?

I don't know.

Well by I don't know I mean it's not that I literally don't know a thing about my own ruined-sleeping-pattern case, believe me I do know, but I'm just not being certainly positive about the explanations.

You know, those days when you couldn't sleep at night because you just didn't want to end a conversation, but had run out of anything to talk to? The longer the night is, your mind simply refuse to shut the hell down and it just takes your feelings into a deeper, deeper, and deeper level and... Sometimes it just makes you forget a little while about the fact that your eyebags is getting bigger. Have I come to the realization that reality could be much more wonderful, if you had someone to unburden yourself to? Have I told you how your life could be more colorful if you had that one, absolute person who simply sees how messed up your face is when you're having a bad day, but still awkwardly call you the love of his life? Have I made myself clear to explain all the little things about you, could really lighten up my day in just a blink of an eye? Have I been underestimating anything that relates to your imperfection, by saying that you're the only one who couldn't take my mind away from living the life to the fullest?

When the wind blow away all the shades, where does the happiness go?

When the peak of a mountain comes up, where does the bird fly away?

When a song remains one thing, where else can it be fitted in, other than heart?

The joy of being pure to one-self.

So, hi guys.

It's been quite a long time I haven't feasted my eyes on the writings.

If you ask me why I wrote 'the joy of being pure' as the title, the answer is here:

Lately, I've been pondering over how the simplest thing could turn out to be the most perplexing predicament ever. Feelings, the dreaded word. Feelings can be translated into quite many words, and usually depends on the context of the case itself. Nowadays, I admit that it's really hard to think whether the person we have come to talk to is very nice, or they probably have ulterior motives behind it. Not that I feel some sort of ge-er about that one, but... This has got me into daily dose of deep-thinking.

Have you ever had a secret you couldn't tell anyone, one that wasn't yours to share?

I'm in a state of uncertainty right now, and by in a quandary I mean, I've come to realize that letting someone go would be as difficult as you'd imagined possible.
What happened to the good old days we once weave?
What happened to the things we thought we'd never say?
Why should we say goodbye, when there's no longer reason to say hello?
Nobody really knows the accuracy of the answer that people give off.

Who else in this world would've wanted to let go of the person you've always assumed that he's the only one, good reason for you to wake up to?
Who would've thought that things could change the way the time flies, without us realizing that the things we once believed is gonna last, when the fact makes it clear that nothing lasts forever?

Finding the comfort zone you've always needed, is one of the best feelings you'll ever feel. It's neither love, nor affection. It's simply about the measurement of comfort we've always had the urge to gain. Savouring the beautiful smell of red rose, is like letting someone in to your life. Its thorn only displays another hidden meaning. He may be the reason why you smile every each passing day, but you're never going to know when he's gonna hurt you. I'm not saying that having a relationship could turn out to be the way we thought would never happen, basically I'm stating that; either we're gonna feel wounded or not, it's only a matter of time. Yes, I'm just being straightforward.

Tell me how do you feel when right now, you're hanging upon an oak tree, bewildered in the evergreen expanse of the forest, without having people to scream at?

Being broken, is very common. Feeling all nobody-ever-feel-the-way-I-do case, could be a commonplace phrase I have the pleasure of babbling over. Sometimes when we feel like there's no one to hold on to, our state of mind tends to always head for the negatives instead of the opposite; been there, done that. What drives me to the utmost is that, why do I find myself depend my happiness on a guy like you? It makes sense if the reason is "I don't have anyone to handle this with, maybe it's good to have someone to rely on, I feel alone, but hey, a partner to untangle this riddle might be nice, and you were there..."

It's not that I beg for things to always stay the same, it's just that I just feel horrible having a dispersed reality to face upon all over again. Maybe we could give it a try?

Come across.

You.

Comment allez-vous.

Wie geht’s.

How do you do.

You.

As I listen to the raindrops falling on the windowpane, I can’t seem to verbalise all the things I need to spill out.

The idea of worse times returning deteriorated the state of my body.

My escape attempt has done nothing to subdue the hysteria rising up inside me.

I’ve got all my time down the drain, just so you could get the picture of how ravishing you are.

You.

I didn’t realise until now how starved I’ve been for human closeness.

Less sense of love, more of intense pain burrow down to the layers of my skin.

I wish it would’ve condensed, so the wounds will scab over straight away.

Happiness, is just a complete absurdity at this point.

It might not even have felt any different for you, maybe it’s time knowing the brief amount of time we have felt.

You.

Are the very embodiment of hope when there’s no hope.

As I wadded across the flowing stream of the water just to see a glimpse of you, I feel something close to elation, and I let myself savor it.

Wondering what would’ve happened if the word separation doesn’t exist?

You.

During the bitter wakeful hours of the night, feeling wretched, in tatters of how the slightest bit of memory scattered all around me.

From simply-concised words to perplexing ones.

The day you taught me how to use the very basic of english.

See how much I have improved?

Any ideas?

I have been contemplating about how am I going to be, once I’m being an adult. That must be one, complicating hardwork I’m going to bear later on. Let’s just take a look on my mom’s experience. When she was young, she hardly ever had her mom’s affection, well, actually she had it but not for so long because her mom had passed away when she was only in junior high school. Living the harsh reality of life with only 4 people left at home with no mother at all sounded too miserable for me. All I can ever think about right now is, how am I gonna bear all the pain that leaves once the one and only lady you pour all your burden to is no longer available forever?

But then she managed it all. Even with the smallest amount of money she still could took over her life and be an independent, strongest woman I’ve ever known right now. She told me that she wouldn’t expect that this would happen because back then she was just only an innocent, village girl surrounded with the people who were, frankly, categorized as the people who didn’t own money that much. And I just feel proud of her. I mean, with all the burden she had to carry she still managed to be ok and walk through her life like she had no any sadness or grief. But I know that deep-down inside, I can really guess that she was actually just used to it that from her perspective there is no use of being sad or feeling screwed up because, life, is a long journey and the ending is just a new beginning.

Back to the first paragraph. I want to be a doctor. Well, to be specific, I don’t really know whether I’m going to be a specialist doctor or not, because we all know that in order to become a doctor there has to be loads amount of money and the stationery which doctor uses is, too expensive and I’m just afraid that if I take the risk of it I’m just going to waste my mom’s money. Besides, we really need to be persevere in doing the job. My friend once told me that I’ll succeed in getting the job because she said that I have a strong determination once I’m focused to the thing I love to do, but then I realise that I think I’ll have to think it over, again.

My second choice, focusing on international relations. My mom and my sisters once agreed upon my decision because since I was in elementary school I had already put my pleasure on these 2 languages, english and french. My liking towards language arises as the time goes by. I love talking english and somehow I find myself attracted when people say something in french, not that the language commonly known as the sexiest but I just feel ok to learn more. In junior high I studied arabic from its very basic but not much of it. Now that I’m in high school, I have been studying deutsch. I thought that I’ll have been learning french by now but unfortunately it’s deutsch so I can’t do anything than patiently learning its very basic. At the other side, I don’t mind at all because I’ll gain more languages, and I love languages so I’ll cherish the slightest bit of it. But I know that if I flunk in reaching this one I’ll be fucked up. I have no idea how am I so pessimistic but my thought always wanders through the very worst side of taking decision. How am I going to cope up with life if I, myself can’t make it. Supports, motivations, optimism, where can I get you?

Third choice, my mom wants me to be an agricultural engineer, because she had been wanting to get that job ever since she was in her high school. But it failed, so she ended up being an employee. I try so hard to consider that one, but I’ve always imagined myself how am I gonna look like if I wear the doctor’s robe. That desire develops and grows incessantly and I still can’t decide which one I’m going to choose. 

Decisions, decisions.

I've had the time of my life.

2 weeks ago, just like what I’ve told you from the previous post, I finally quenched the urge to watch Secondhand Serenade concert. Three of my friends and I were enjoying it as much as you can imagine us goofing around at the exactly right the very front of row. So, I see that there was no opening band or such, it was supposed to be punctual on the stage at 8.00 pm  but I guess they had to do the checksound first so the show was kind of postponend until 8.30pm. I didn’t expect that Preston Jones (John’s manager) was the first person who showed up on stage. I can judge by how he managed to speak in Bahasa that he’s so impressive I can’t stand it! Speaking of Secondhand’s crew, I think they’re all very nice because John himself said that Indonesia was the best country that he has ever had the experience of travelling to, and he also said that we got the best crowds out of all the countries he had ever been to! By the time you read this sentence you’ll find me dead. Dead amazed by how John is so down-to-earth to all Indonesians!

The inexplicable and matter-of-factly overcrowded queue were definitely worth the wait, it was all paid off by seeing John, pleasantly shouting ‘Jakarta! We’ve come back! Are you guys ready to sing with us?’ Then all of the crowds were delighted and started to sing You And I (since it was the first song, so.), I still can recall what clothes that John wore, he wore a plain white shirt, and he also used a dark brown jacket and I can’t think of any best words to describe him that night. Amazing, more than that. Mind-blowing, beyond that. Unexpectedly performing Fix You right in front of my eyes with all those lyrics that got me tangled in rigid matrix of thought, YES IT WAS. Lol. All those videos of John singing 19 songs had been successfully recorded on Icha’s iTouch, so it just feels right everytime I want to remind how gorgeous he had been since the promotor themselves didn’t allow us to bring any SLR or camera recorder or some sort of any electronic gadgets that have any flash thingy. When You And I ended, John started to sing Stranger as the second song. So funny how the crowds turned from singing happily into shrouded in pain. And it went on and on and on just like that. Here is the setlist of the songs John had managed to sing:

- Maybe

- Your Call (all the people were completely singing the VERY slightest of the lyric)

- Vulnerable

- Awake

- Reach For The Sky (the most likable song to all of you, I reckon. Before John sang this one, he said that to all of us that this song is dedicated to one of his friend who suffer from the pain that he had to go through the harsh reality of life all alone and from John's way of saying this one I feel so touched, especially with the face expression that come up, somehow it just hypnotized us to literally savor the very rhythym he played on the piano)

- Stay Away (I can still remember how he smiled to all of us while saying 'everybody clap your hands!')

- Like A Knife (all serenaders must've known it already, if you were to ask me what's so good about this song I'd really love to introduce you to listen to its drums. You're welcome)

- So Long

- A Twist In My Story (he played this on acoustic guitar and he played this one by himself please you guys, don't force me to write any longer sentence because I couldn't help but admiring this lovable guy)

- Let Me In

- Fix You (Coldplay cover) ------- obviously the death of me ----- all the effort I've been put to hold this up had been totally leaked right at the very first time I recognized the melody of the guitar.

- Stay Close, Don’t Go

- Broken (With a snippet of Fun.’s We Are Young) ------- everyone didn't expect he would bring this up, so as you could imagine, we were all suprised by its sudden melody ---------

- Fall For You

(Intro Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting) ------- so melodious I've gone mad -------

- Goodbye (tears of joy along with sadness due to John's leaving)

So that's all there was. At first everybody was about to leave, but then John showed up again because everybody around us screamed 'We want John, we want John!' and then, here it comes... The Last Song Ever!