Come across.

You.

Comment allez-vous.

Wie geht’s.

How do you do.

You.

As I listen to the raindrops falling on the windowpane, I can’t seem to verbalise all the things I need to spill out.

The idea of worse times returning deteriorated the state of my body.

My escape attempt has done nothing to subdue the hysteria rising up inside me.

I’ve got all my time down the drain, just so you could get the picture of how ravishing you are.

You.

I didn’t realise until now how starved I’ve been for human closeness.

Less sense of love, more of intense pain burrow down to the layers of my skin.

I wish it would’ve condensed, so the wounds will scab over straight away.

Happiness, is just a complete absurdity at this point.

It might not even have felt any different for you, maybe it’s time knowing the brief amount of time we have felt.

You.

Are the very embodiment of hope when there’s no hope.

As I wadded across the flowing stream of the water just to see a glimpse of you, I feel something close to elation, and I let myself savor it.

Wondering what would’ve happened if the word separation doesn’t exist?

You.

During the bitter wakeful hours of the night, feeling wretched, in tatters of how the slightest bit of memory scattered all around me.

From simply-concised words to perplexing ones.

The day you taught me how to use the very basic of english.

See how much I have improved?

Any ideas?

I have been contemplating about how am I going to be, once I’m being an adult. That must be one, complicating hardwork I’m going to bear later on. Let’s just take a look on my mom’s experience. When she was young, she hardly ever had her mom’s affection, well, actually she had it but not for so long because her mom had passed away when she was only in junior high school. Living the harsh reality of life with only 4 people left at home with no mother at all sounded too miserable for me. All I can ever think about right now is, how am I gonna bear all the pain that leaves once the one and only lady you pour all your burden to is no longer available forever?

But then she managed it all. Even with the smallest amount of money she still could took over her life and be an independent, strongest woman I’ve ever known right now. She told me that she wouldn’t expect that this would happen because back then she was just only an innocent, village girl surrounded with the people who were, frankly, categorized as the people who didn’t own money that much. And I just feel proud of her. I mean, with all the burden she had to carry she still managed to be ok and walk through her life like she had no any sadness or grief. But I know that deep-down inside, I can really guess that she was actually just used to it that from her perspective there is no use of being sad or feeling screwed up because, life, is a long journey and the ending is just a new beginning.

Back to the first paragraph. I want to be a doctor. Well, to be specific, I don’t really know whether I’m going to be a specialist doctor or not, because we all know that in order to become a doctor there has to be loads amount of money and the stationery which doctor uses is, too expensive and I’m just afraid that if I take the risk of it I’m just going to waste my mom’s money. Besides, we really need to be persevere in doing the job. My friend once told me that I’ll succeed in getting the job because she said that I have a strong determination once I’m focused to the thing I love to do, but then I realise that I think I’ll have to think it over, again.

My second choice, focusing on international relations. My mom and my sisters once agreed upon my decision because since I was in elementary school I had already put my pleasure on these 2 languages, english and french. My liking towards language arises as the time goes by. I love talking english and somehow I find myself attracted when people say something in french, not that the language commonly known as the sexiest but I just feel ok to learn more. In junior high I studied arabic from its very basic but not much of it. Now that I’m in high school, I have been studying deutsch. I thought that I’ll have been learning french by now but unfortunately it’s deutsch so I can’t do anything than patiently learning its very basic. At the other side, I don’t mind at all because I’ll gain more languages, and I love languages so I’ll cherish the slightest bit of it. But I know that if I flunk in reaching this one I’ll be fucked up. I have no idea how am I so pessimistic but my thought always wanders through the very worst side of taking decision. How am I going to cope up with life if I, myself can’t make it. Supports, motivations, optimism, where can I get you?

Third choice, my mom wants me to be an agricultural engineer, because she had been wanting to get that job ever since she was in her high school. But it failed, so she ended up being an employee. I try so hard to consider that one, but I’ve always imagined myself how am I gonna look like if I wear the doctor’s robe. That desire develops and grows incessantly and I still can’t decide which one I’m going to choose. 

Decisions, decisions.

I've had the time of my life.

2 weeks ago, just like what I’ve told you from the previous post, I finally quenched the urge to watch Secondhand Serenade concert. Three of my friends and I were enjoying it as much as you can imagine us goofing around at the exactly right the very front of row. So, I see that there was no opening band or such, it was supposed to be punctual on the stage at 8.00 pm  but I guess they had to do the checksound first so the show was kind of postponend until 8.30pm. I didn’t expect that Preston Jones (John’s manager) was the first person who showed up on stage. I can judge by how he managed to speak in Bahasa that he’s so impressive I can’t stand it! Speaking of Secondhand’s crew, I think they’re all very nice because John himself said that Indonesia was the best country that he has ever had the experience of travelling to, and he also said that we got the best crowds out of all the countries he had ever been to! By the time you read this sentence you’ll find me dead. Dead amazed by how John is so down-to-earth to all Indonesians!

The inexplicable and matter-of-factly overcrowded queue were definitely worth the wait, it was all paid off by seeing John, pleasantly shouting ‘Jakarta! We’ve come back! Are you guys ready to sing with us?’ Then all of the crowds were delighted and started to sing You And I (since it was the first song, so.), I still can recall what clothes that John wore, he wore a plain white shirt, and he also used a dark brown jacket and I can’t think of any best words to describe him that night. Amazing, more than that. Mind-blowing, beyond that. Unexpectedly performing Fix You right in front of my eyes with all those lyrics that got me tangled in rigid matrix of thought, YES IT WAS. Lol. All those videos of John singing 19 songs had been successfully recorded on Icha’s iTouch, so it just feels right everytime I want to remind how gorgeous he had been since the promotor themselves didn’t allow us to bring any SLR or camera recorder or some sort of any electronic gadgets that have any flash thingy. When You And I ended, John started to sing Stranger as the second song. So funny how the crowds turned from singing happily into shrouded in pain. And it went on and on and on just like that. Here is the setlist of the songs John had managed to sing:

- Maybe

- Your Call (all the people were completely singing the VERY slightest of the lyric)

- Vulnerable

- Awake

- Reach For The Sky (the most likable song to all of you, I reckon. Before John sang this one, he said that to all of us that this song is dedicated to one of his friend who suffer from the pain that he had to go through the harsh reality of life all alone and from John's way of saying this one I feel so touched, especially with the face expression that come up, somehow it just hypnotized us to literally savor the very rhythym he played on the piano)

- Stay Away (I can still remember how he smiled to all of us while saying 'everybody clap your hands!')

- Like A Knife (all serenaders must've known it already, if you were to ask me what's so good about this song I'd really love to introduce you to listen to its drums. You're welcome)

- So Long

- A Twist In My Story (he played this on acoustic guitar and he played this one by himself please you guys, don't force me to write any longer sentence because I couldn't help but admiring this lovable guy)

- Let Me In

- Fix You (Coldplay cover) ------- obviously the death of me ----- all the effort I've been put to hold this up had been totally leaked right at the very first time I recognized the melody of the guitar.

- Stay Close, Don’t Go

- Broken (With a snippet of Fun.’s We Are Young) ------- everyone didn't expect he would bring this up, so as you could imagine, we were all suprised by its sudden melody ---------

- Fall For You

(Intro Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting) ------- so melodious I've gone mad -------

- Goodbye (tears of joy along with sadness due to John's leaving)

So that's all there was. At first everybody was about to leave, but then John showed up again because everybody around us screamed 'We want John, we want John!' and then, here it comes... The Last Song Ever!